Are you mad at me?

There were many years where I was a hypocrite, telling other people they shouldn't put up with abuse, but there I was inside the tornado myself.

Disagreeing with him was never a good idea. After doing so, I remember inwardly wincing before each anticipated strike. And even when there was no reaction, I found myself wondering and even asking him "Are you mad at me?"

There is residual damage... When I don't hear from a guy for a while I start to think he is beginning the same dynamics in which withholding affection is crucial and he is punishing me in the same way my abuser did whenever I expressed my true feelings.

I feel angry and rejected when he ignores me, freezes me out, doesn’t respond...Why?

That train of questions wasn’t rhetorical. I don’t have a solid answer.

Throughout everything I’ve been doing, I’ve come to realize that I’ve actually been happy for a long time.

There are lots of good reasons why I don't want a relationship and feel I am not ready to have one with a partner right now. Being single can be great and it is a good time to focus on what I want.