My heart was breaking before we even broke up... It was breaking because I felt neglected and unappreciated. Unloved, crappy, worthless... My mind knew that I was not getting what I wanted. But my heart knew that it wanted him.... My heart tried to convince my mind to change the way it thinks in order for us to work out. My heart kept telling my mind to shut up. My brain said no. My heart got weaker. My mind whispered to my heart "just let him go" ... and so my heart cried... and he was gone. And it hurt, and hurt, and hurt, and there was nothing to get my mind away from thinking about him because the heart make the mind suffer...
And so there were some days when my mind were stronger than my heart and other days my heart were stronger than my mind. And I was at war with myself ... and I just wanted peace.
I will always say I feel okay or everything is fine even when it's not... This is an easy way out, the one thing that I don’t like to analyze is my feelings, so pretending everything is okay is a good
defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at my feelings.
But one day the peace came. It was so sudden. I just realized my heart doesn’t need to surrender. You don’t let go of your feelings. You just accept them. And accept and respect others feelings too.
I exist in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, I present a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. I can tire myself out without even moving!
Some people might find me cold or emotionally detached because I live in my mind, not in my emotions and feelings.
But my mind is happy and my heart is at peace. No more over-analyzing emotions. I learned my lesson in life. To err is human, to forgive divine, especially when it comes to love.
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